Healing and selfcare

If I was a mess in life before (which I was) you bet I'm a mess now right?! The nuance is just that now I don't get to leave my house for Target trips, to see friends, or just in general to run away from crying children. We are living in a pandemic and it's weird, scary, and complicated. Here are tools i've been using to cope.

Disney+ 

We gave in and upgraded and I feel guilty but it was also a great decision. But, just to be clear my daughter did start to pretend she was Ariel .... and as you know Ariel kind of ran away and yelled at her dad...so read into that what you will

Some Mama Self-care

I may not be able to go anywhere but I've started taking more baths and doing a mask once a week in the shower. There are so many great deals out there so take advantage of them. Here are my favorites that help my skin glow and stay hydrated…but also water works too

Tata Harper Resurfacing Mask

Tat Harper Resurfacing Serum

Sunday Riley CEO Glow - Vitamin C and Turmeric Oil

Therapy

Have you heard of a healing circle? It's magical and uncomfortable but really helpful if you're feeling alone. I've found them helpful to listen and share during this time.

Whether you are pregnant, in the midst of receiving fertility support, freezing your eggs, growing your family with the support of a surrogate, or on another path to growing your family here are some tools and tips for self-care. Here are 5 (of many take aways) I have from when I was trying to kick fertility in the butt. It’s a journey that’s life changing in so many ways. It’s one that forces you to come home to yourself whether you want to or not. I hope these tips are helpful in providing tangible ways t to support what ever path you find yourself on.

1. You matter and your experience matters - I took us 3+ years to get pregnant with our daughter. So long in fact that we started to tell family that we were not going to have children. It was a huge question mark in our life for what felt like a lifetime. What I wish I had know then was that my feelings those of my husband mattered. Do all of the things that you think might bring you joy and happiness especially when you’re not feeling great.

2. You can choose how you show up - Some days I showed up with a lot of rage and others some grace. They were pivotal moments in my life and many moments I wish I had never had to face. In fact, I’m jealous of people that never faced the same types of challenges. In retrospect the journey to my children showed me I have the capacity to deal with hard and heart wrenching situations.

3. You will find your family - It may not be the way you thought it would happen, when you thought it would happen, or how you want it to happen. But if you have room in your heart to share your life with someone else it will happen.

4. You are a health advocate and you can raise your voice - Question your doctor, or the advice you get, or the articles you read. Question the experience that people share because you never know what you might learn that might help you or someone else you know.

5. Get a second opinion - Or a third opinion, change doctors, or nurses, or health plans. Find the right person for you and your family. If you find a doctor who gets it but you don’t want be best friends with you might need to choose which one is more important to you. Our fertility doctor was a great physician but was kind of quiet. The narrative I told myself was that she was emotionally protecting herself. Who knows if it’s true but I don’t really care because there was value in the medical care I received.

Embody the lotus flower

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” – Masaru Emoto

Kin Keeping

The work you don’t know you’re already doing

What is the work that we do? Do you answer the call?

The other night I was in the 24 our Kaiser Pharmacy. It was a small room next to the larger pharmacy which had been closed for the night (it was 11:50pm). No one was there and I had been sent from the advice nurse to pick up medication for my one year old son and despite the prescription being called in, spending an hour on the phone with an advice nurse, and giving them 30 minutes it still was not ready

I wanted to say something but after 6 hours of crying and vomiting I gave in and let it go. I looked around the small room and sat down looking at the other side of the pharmacy that at any other time would have been bustling with people. I noticed all the restocked shelves, and all the things that I wished I could pick-up while I was there (band aids, cough drops, children’s Tylenol, thermometer, arch support things for shoes i’d been meaning to try). I thought about the things my family would need in the next two weeks, and the groceries that weren't bought, and the laundry detergent...did we need some? And on and on and on.

And that's the work that we do isn't it? Holding babies and loved ones when they are sick, sitting in vomit for hours if it means holding your dearest ones are brought some relief, calling the nurse and having a list of symptoms and temperatures, being an advocate for your family, doing the leg work of finding a 24 hour pharmacy, setting an alarm to get there right when the medication has been called in, and in general not losing your shit too much when all you want to do is scream. 

The work that we do is all of those things and more. It's the work that no one else sees but you do anyway because it's got to get done. You may not know how or why. It's just a fact. I'm on a quest to understand the what and why behind the work that we do. I believe it can be a bridge to build community instead of separateness. I believe in the power of the work to bring us closer together to different and like minded people. There are things that we are all willing to do for others that we aren't willing to do for our ourselves....and there may be its true power...an ability to motivate to do things that we never otherwise would to help someone else unselfishly....but can't there be a better way to do it? A more organized protocol to GSD? And can't it be joyous? Maybe not all the time but at least some of the time?

Let's engage in conversation about what life is really like and make tools to advance the work and our lives to be fulfilled but not frantic. Let's ask the big questions and hear what each other has to say. Most importantly let's ignite a conversation around the work that we do and use it as a vehicle to connect in big and small ways. Let's face challenges head on and still find joy in the little things.